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Showing posts from 2009

Culmination

I realize it has been a while since my last post. It has been a hectic several months full of ups and downs. And this is why. This short video documents the culmination of my last three and a half years of education. After this, who knows what will happen . . . Video

The Final Countdown

Okay, now I have that song in my head. As well as images of G.O.B. and his dance to the song from "Arrested Development." Ah, yes. So much fun. At any rate, that is hardly the point of my blog. I have been having trouble as of late finding the motivation to work on my final document, to shoot the remaining images that are milling around in my brain, and to continue down this path to my final destination - that of graduating with a terminal degree. For some reason, this weekends class lit a fire under me. The class itself was brief, but we got some very important information that we have all been waiting for and needing for a long time. We now know when the shows will hang, who will be hanging when, and what the final criteria are for finishing out the program. I will be hanging with some phenomenal photographers at the end of September, with an official gallery opening on the first Thursday of October. Two and a half months away. This is it, people. This is what it

Hello World!

I have now officially been published in a real, live magazine. Lifelong goal, accomplished. You can read the entire article, and see the images, here . YAY!

Recognize the Wins

I just found out that I will be published in the PIEA journal, the first and only (to my knowledge), peer reviewed journal about photography. It is easier sometimes to recognize when everything is going wrong rather than when something goes right. I am not an optimist, so when things do pan out well I usually write them off or underplay them. But I am trying to change my outlook. I am trying to be a better proponent of myself. This is a win. Getting an article published in Rangefinder is also a win. I still have a lot of things that I have done that have not gone anywhere, not received note, merit, or award, but now I have two wins. So all of the effort I have put forward hasn't been for nothing, hasn't been a waste. My networking, my hard work, my attention to my writing has paid off. In one of these two cases, that will be literal. I think it is important to list the wins. I think it is important to understand that progress has been made in order to continue to make

Food for Thought

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I keep bouncing back and forth regarding what it is I should do with the project. This weekend the class spent an incredible amount of time looking at and talking about my work and the direction of my final show. The main question that I wanted help in answering was what to do about Ren . I know I already wrote him an obituary, but there are a lot of reasons why I think having Ren is important. - I think his presence makes the work more universal and applicable to a greater audience. - I think the balance of the two without the benefit of compromise makes an important statement. - I think it brings up different gender questions, like forcing the viewer to reflect on how we, as a society, view vanity in women versus men; why we feel narcissism is more a female trait or if we even do; why we expect certain airs to be put on by women; and why men in some of these situations seem acceptable and not out of the ordinary when with women they are bizarre and out of place. But, there are al

Resurrected

Yay! The momentarily homeless article has found a home at Rangefinder. Publication to follow.

And Another One Bites the Dust

One of the elements of this graduate program is the opportunity to do Independent Studies of the student's design. I collaborated with a group of students for one on Grant Writing and came up with a grant proposal that I was really pleased with. I didn't get the grant, but I felt good about the process. This session I decided to work with one of our instructors, a prolifically published photographer/writer named Glenn Rand, on an Independent Study about article writing and publication. The first article created out of this was a former essay turned interest piece that I sent off to a peer reviewed journal. I never heard back. The second was an article I did based on several lectures and an interview that I had with Joyce Tenneson . The article was to be published by a European photography magazine that, as of yesterday, has gone out of business. The issue was supposed to go to press tomorrow. It was a cover story. It is now dead. So the sure thing publication that has

Winding Down, Winding Up

I have no idea who actually reads this, if anyone, mostly because of the lack of commentary. (Peanut Butter and JQ , you are in the clear for this one.) Others tell me that they do, and some even comment about things in person, but in a way part of the point of creating this blog was different than my logic for creating my four other blogs. (Yes, I have four other blogs. No, you may not have their addresses.) Part of my intention was to create a substitute feedback system for my MFA colleagues before I lose, and hopefully after, that intellectual sand box. I'm not sure what this has turned into aside from yet another web journal of yet another individual who thinks that the world wants to hear what they say. I don't, by the way, I just find it helpful to me to think and post and work through my issues in a public forum. I just wish, at times, that the forum had some interaction back with me. It is like teaching in some senses. You put out information, hope to inspire

Worth the Effort

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One of my instructors here at Brooks, a brilliant and entirely entertaining Communications instructor, has a little saying that he shared yesterday during my committee meeting. "Do you know what the difference between a good writer and a great writer is? A good writer can write a brilliant passage with witty commentary, enlightening dialogue, and magnificent flow. A great writer can do all of that, realize that it doesn't fit, and cut it." He animatedly started pantomiming his impression of F. Scott Fitzgerald rampaging through one of his manuscripts, pen in hand, slashing all the paragraphs that didn't contribute to the final, clean story. The reason that he brought up the tale was that my committee, as a group, have decided that Ren is no longer a necessary component of the story. It was worth exploring, possibly necessary, but doesn't fit with the same kind of intensity and focus of Rin. Ren doesn't make Rin's story any better. And when you come down to

I'm Assuming His Name Wasn't Thomas

Did the little engine that could have a name? One of my former students encouraged me the other day (or merely commented on my facebook update...I choose encouraged) and mistakenly quoted Thomas the Train in reference to the little engine, but it got me thinking. Did he/she/it have a name? The reason it comes back to me today is that I could seriously use some motivation right now. The whole concept of the little engine is that it finds self-motivation and makes it over the hill. My motivation level is low. If it were blood pressure I would be brain damaged. I am just finding it harder and harder to make this work. It isn't so much that I don't believe in its potential, but it is more negative and, I worry, arrogant than I wish it were. Who am I to judge? As discussed in a previous blog, I also suffer from a lot of the ailments that I admonish, and I greatly dislike the era of post production we are in that requires unattainable standards of beauty. And yet I not onl

Phenomena

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There are some curious new phenomena I have been seeing in the world that seem directly related to my final project. I am a little concerned, actually. I am not certain if these help or hurt my point and my show. I will certainly be able to use this for the final document, but I am not sure what the statement really is in relation to where we are, what we are doing, and how advertising is starting to use the same mechanism that I am using. Thoughts? This popped up on my Yahoo account: And I saw this one on TV earlier this week: Gillette Commercial .

Meet Ren

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After a recent class and committee meeting one weekend, I realized that too many of my images were "domestically gender themed." (I don't know why I put that in quotes seeing as how no one specifically said that, but that is the consensus.) The suggestions about how I could counter this in the photography ranged from dressing up as a man version of Ren to only showing Ren in traditionally male roles. The odd part about each of those suggestions is that I think the gender issue becomes more at issue because it would appear as though I was only concerned with showing inequalities with gender. Another suggestion though, one that I had been mulling over but wasn't sure of, was to introduce a second character. The reason for this being that he could actually be male and he could drive home that this project is not about women's issues, but American issues. Especially if the two characters suffer from some of the same mallady's, which would be narcissism, vacuousnes

Carl Sagan

When I was in high school we watched a video narrated by Carl Sagan. At one point he was talking about the make up of life and he said something that ended in the phrase "Billions and billions of atoms." If you know Carl Sagan, you know how distinctive his voice and delivery are, so you can understand that why, fifteen years later, I still remember it with proper inflection and aggressive Bs (said properly, there should be some spitting.) This just came to me as I looked over the image of Rin in a previous post. She is starting to multiply and it doesn't seem long before there will be billions and billions of her. Shiver.

Web of Mediocrity

There is an inherent hypocrisy in my work. Maybe the same is true for all art and artists, hence the perpetuation of despair. For, you see, I am not immune to the woes and vices that I see in America. I suffer from them as much as anyone. But I hope that the realization of these traits in myself is a sort of healing process, a way out of the muck and mire of transgressions against myself and others. I am self-centered. I often think about myself first and others second, if at all. It isn't something that I am proud of. It is a sad truth, one that I feel is perhaps the greatest crime we suffer in a nation of me-firsters. Perhaps I feel that way because it is one of the things that I hate most about myself, that I fear most when considering being married, having kids. I don't feel as though I am good material to be a partner or a role model. One of my instructors at Brooks once suggested that I partner with a classmate of mine and make a business of our photography toge

Evolving the Unchanging

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Rin is a tricky subject. Tricky because I am certain now of what I am saying with her but having much more difficulty actually convincing others of that message with the images alone. There are certain things that read - Stepford Wives, narcissism, plasticity - but the others don't - over consumption, entitlement, uselessness. It is the latter three that I am trying to push, that I want to demonstrate. As a culture I think we need to understand these vices and move away from them. We need to see what we have become, what we are turning our children into, and stop it, change it, fix it. And Rin is my way of holding up an ugly mirror to hopefully offend people just enough that they realize they hate the imagery because it reveals something nasty about themselves. Of course then the question becomes how do you visualize entitlement? But not just the elite classes entitlement, but this pervasive entitlement that has overtaken the millenial generation? The belief that showing up to clas

Explorative

I think it is a strange, yet metaphorically telling, phenomena that we believe as a culture in things like exploratory surgery. We don't know what's wrong with you, but we are going to cut you open, look around, hope that we find something, and attempt to fix you. All of this could potentially make you worse, will undoubtedly be painful, and promises no results. This is where I am in my artistic process. I have no choice at this point, either from a pragmatic or an artistic perspective, but to press on and keep trying to produce. This body of work is painful for me, has moments that are both caustic and liberating, and in the end has no defined affect. This may be a great and necessary catharsis that will ultimately lead to the revelation that I have been waiting for my whole life, and it may just leave me with fresh and large scars and a body of work that is simultaneously eerie and perky. (For the record, I do not desire to be either.) But the other remarkable thing abo

Soulless

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Happy Valentine's Day

Hmmm

Well, the committee has spoken. Rin has won out. I still hate her. The only difference is that now I have to figure out why. Which means spending lots and lots of time with her. Will the irony never cease?

What Really is the Purpose?

I am starting to wonder what the real purpose of an MFA program is. To one degree, it should be a sandbox, a place where you can try something new, expose it to your colleagues, get feedback and critiques, and grow - all without judgment. Criticism, sure, but not judgment. On the other hand, it is a limited time frame endeavor that ultimately asks a lot of the student in terms of graduation requirements and deadlines. It seems to me that these two concepts are at odds with each other. How can you be expected to play without consequence when a very real consequence of inaction is looming in the very near future, nine months down the road? I misspoke in class yesterday and started an uproar. What I said was that Rin was a project that I could complete, which is why it was worth doing. What I really meant with that, though, was that it is a clean concept that I think has the potential to make much larger statements that I can explore, write about, engage with, and complete. And ye

Back on Track

Okay, I suppose it is time that I started this up again. First things first, my committee has finally been assembled. Hallelujah. That was a stress that I was not bearing well. There were so many uncertainties in my life that I needed some resolution and, thankfully, I at least found some here. So The Three have been determined and will now begin in the process of aiding my progression. No choice in the matter, sorry. Second off, my progression is a thing of enigmatic ebbs and flows. Where last week I was shooting 100 birds for no particular reason other than it was loosely suggested, to this week's decision that my project should go in one of two directions, I have been torn in many directions. Now I am starting to find peace. I would be hypocritical to not admit some element of serendipity in all of this, and just plain rude not to admit that three of my classmates in a united effort drove me to one of the ideas. Herded might be more accurate. With whips and prods. I am

Then Again, Maybe Not

Okay, give me a second.

Clarity of Purpose

I have been talking with a lot of people recently about where my project should go, how to get back on track, and what I need to do to complete my MFA. I know, small stuff, right? The strange thing (or perhaps entirely appropriate) is that I have been getting a lot of the same advice. Two very important people to me said different things that ultimately lead me to a joint conclusion. The first told me to think smaller. The second told me to be more clear. What this ultimately leads to is a realization that what my work needs more than anything is a clear concept. A single-sentence, driven, tight, comprehensible concept. I am thinking smaller in the sense that I am not trying to tackle the world on statement and image making, and more clear in that the information I am trying to convey will be distilled into something sharp and poignant. I hope. That is the goal. Of course, I am still working on what that concept is, but at least now I feel as though I have direction to lead me to

Does That Make Me NOT a Photographer?

I have been feeling a greater and greater need these days to make artifacts. Not just simple photographs, but things that are unique, individual, solitary items. A lot of what I want to make involves some sort of photography, but not all of it. There are a lot of things that I want to make that have nothing to do with photography. It is starting to concern me from a perspective of getting an MFA in photography. And there is something else that is bothering me, too. One of the elements of photography, one of its driving principles is the concept of reproducibility . One image printed thousands of times over again that makes a tangible, visual impact. That is what a photograph is. Digital media just make that a more pronounced and immediate phenomena, but it has been that way since the advent of collodian wet plate photography. A glass negative that you can make a positive image from, as many times as you like. My images, my artifacts , are not true to the medium in that reg

Photo LA

Photo LA was awesome. Mostly because I was introduced to five photographer's work that I did not know that I really like and because I got to meet, talk to, and get my picture taken with Joel-Peter Witkin. I love him. I will blog more about this later because I think the experience was an important one, but I wanted to at least make a statement about it to some degree because I am still giddy about meeting Witkin. I love him.

New Beginnings

I have been stunted in my artistic growth for several months now. It is actually difficult for me to admit this here, as putting those words in print forces me to admit it to myself as well. I have been blaming my artistic monsters, the program administrators, my greatest supporters, and even my highly admired instructors. Anyone and everyone but me. That is not to say that there haven't been issues in some of the other areas of my life, there certainly have, but a lot of the anger and frustration (with one notable exception) has been in regards to my lack of progress. Hence the previous post. I have been terrified of not being able to finish to the detriment of not even being able to take any steps forward. I met with my friend Kara the other day when she stopped by on her fantastic journey for lunch, conversation, and a moment of rest and she and I discussed the concept of the black hole that I am so terrified of stepping into. I remarked that it is an emptiness that I do