Worth the Effort
One of my instructors here at Brooks, a brilliant and entirely entertaining Communications instructor, has a little saying that he shared yesterday during my committee meeting.
"Do you know what the difference between a good writer and a great writer is? A good writer can write a brilliant passage with witty commentary, enlightening dialogue, and magnificent flow. A great writer can do all of that, realize that it doesn't fit, and cut it."
He animatedly started pantomiming his impression of F. Scott Fitzgerald rampaging through one of his manuscripts, pen in hand, slashing all the paragraphs that didn't contribute to the final, clean story.
The reason that he brought up the tale was that my committee, as a group, have decided that Ren is no longer a necessary component of the story. It was worth exploring, possibly necessary, but doesn't fit with the same kind of intensity and focus of Rin. Ren doesn't make Rin's story any better. And when you come down to it, this is Rin's story. The individual narcissist in a sea of proliferating narcissism.
My initial reaction was, "No! We can't abandon him, I know what I want my final show to look like! I know where the images go! I have been shooting to that end!" But, in reality, I haven't. I have been struggling with putting together images of Ren and in turn neglecting ideas for Rin. Because I wanted balance. I wanted the same number of images for Ren and Rin. The same balanced proportion between the two. But I have four images of Ren now and seventeen of Rin. I have one more idea for him, four for her. And it is easier for me to continue growing and expanding and refining with her. And I think part of the reason for that is how much I hate her. I don't hate him. I know that Ren, like Rin, is not really the model but a concept. But with Ren I see the model. With Rin I see everything that I hate about the world, about myself. Which makes it easier for me to make more images of Rin. She has all the qualities I loathe as well as all the qualities I envy. She is self-centered, oblivious, lacking empathy, expecting praise, and wears the costume of what she wants to be. Those elements I hate. But I also made her happy, somehow successful, and, yes, naive. In some ways I do envy those traits. This blog in many ways has been a log of my manic depressive tendencies, but also to my intellectual pursuits. Maybe ignorance really is bliss. And yet it is not a bliss that I, as the evolved and conscientious person that I am, can ever be comfortable with. I do, despite everything, prefer being thoughtful.
At any rate, after much discussion with my committee, with my husband, and with myself, Ren has been laid to rest.
"Do you know what the difference between a good writer and a great writer is? A good writer can write a brilliant passage with witty commentary, enlightening dialogue, and magnificent flow. A great writer can do all of that, realize that it doesn't fit, and cut it."
He animatedly started pantomiming his impression of F. Scott Fitzgerald rampaging through one of his manuscripts, pen in hand, slashing all the paragraphs that didn't contribute to the final, clean story.
The reason that he brought up the tale was that my committee, as a group, have decided that Ren is no longer a necessary component of the story. It was worth exploring, possibly necessary, but doesn't fit with the same kind of intensity and focus of Rin. Ren doesn't make Rin's story any better. And when you come down to it, this is Rin's story. The individual narcissist in a sea of proliferating narcissism.
My initial reaction was, "No! We can't abandon him, I know what I want my final show to look like! I know where the images go! I have been shooting to that end!" But, in reality, I haven't. I have been struggling with putting together images of Ren and in turn neglecting ideas for Rin. Because I wanted balance. I wanted the same number of images for Ren and Rin. The same balanced proportion between the two. But I have four images of Ren now and seventeen of Rin. I have one more idea for him, four for her. And it is easier for me to continue growing and expanding and refining with her. And I think part of the reason for that is how much I hate her. I don't hate him. I know that Ren, like Rin, is not really the model but a concept. But with Ren I see the model. With Rin I see everything that I hate about the world, about myself. Which makes it easier for me to make more images of Rin. She has all the qualities I loathe as well as all the qualities I envy. She is self-centered, oblivious, lacking empathy, expecting praise, and wears the costume of what she wants to be. Those elements I hate. But I also made her happy, somehow successful, and, yes, naive. In some ways I do envy those traits. This blog in many ways has been a log of my manic depressive tendencies, but also to my intellectual pursuits. Maybe ignorance really is bliss. And yet it is not a bliss that I, as the evolved and conscientious person that I am, can ever be comfortable with. I do, despite everything, prefer being thoughtful.
At any rate, after much discussion with my committee, with my husband, and with myself, Ren has been laid to rest.
Ren Hachaturi
March 5, 2009 - May 18, 2009
R.I.P.
March 5, 2009 - May 18, 2009
R.I.P.
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-Ren