Evolution

I have recently been questioning a lot of the founding principles of my MFA project. I have spent my life becoming who I am. I know that sounds like a bizarre and common sense statement, but I don't think it is. I think a lot of people don't work on who they are, but rather follow someone else's rules, someone else's ethical or moral plan, someone else's dream. I suppose I was one of those people from the time I began applying to colleges until I quit my job and came to Brooks.

I wasn't following a dream when I went to Purdue, I was following what I thought was expected of me. Honestly, I was also trying to prove someone wrong about me. I had a physics teacher in high school who didn't believe in my ability to become a physicist. I knew that I could, so I wanted to prove him wrong. I didn't really want to be a physicist, but I had an aptitude for it.

I remember the first picture that I ever took that made me want to be a photographer. I was probably 12. My father let me use his nice camera, his SLR. I took a picture of my sister on a wall on some vacation. It was sunset light, her hair was blowing across her face, and something in me clicked. Some karmic or psychic or elemental bolt of lightning coursed through me. Ever since then I have been fighting a battle between doing what I was meant to do and following the cultural guidelines of success.

After my grandfather died, strange things started to happen. When I let myself follow my heart ravens and crows would be around. When I was choosing a college, which led me to Steve, I let the crows make the decision. After we graduated college I turned away from Steve when a giant raven landed next to me and sat there, watching. When I turned back, he had my promise ring in hand. Our engagement was announced via a cacophony of ravens out at Embarcadero park. It could be coincidence, of course, but for me it isn't. I don't know if it matters to anyone else, but it matters to me.

This project isn't just a final foray into black and white printing, it is the culmination of my life's journey so far. It is my personal mythology, and I am starting to realize that this particular mythology has roots in Nordic folklore, Navajo tradition, Spanish mysticism, and cult fiction. There is something visceral about the raven for many cultures, and for me, there is something equally primal about the process of organic photography, the surprises you get from uncalibrated equipment, undetermined circumstances, happy accidents, and embraced mistakes. It's raw because it is not perfect. It is life.

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