Get On With It

I think I may be scraping myself too thin these days. As a writer, a mother, a teacher, a wife, and an artist. I have so many stories in me, but I am uncertain if trying to eek them all out simultaneously, bit by bit on my own and on Kindle Vella, is the right move.

The trouble is time and focus. The troubles are time and focus? My brain is tired. That's the rub. It isn't that I don't get enough sleep. In fact, I think I probably get way too much because depression and anxiety often get me down. Getting out of bed is hard sometimes. But even when I manage that, it is a different story to be able to sit down and write. 

Plus, I am a fantastic procrastinator. Like, really pro. 

How, you say? Let me give you 20 - 40 examples. Should I actually be writing my fiction stories right now? Phsaw. This is important. Method number one - laundry needs to be monitored. Not done, per se, because once I put it in the machine I should be able to walk away and write. In fact, it is kind of a two for one deal, if you think about it. I am both doing household chores and writing simultaneously. But, I mean, is it really spinning if I don't watch it? Can I be sure the machine is working, the clothes aren't overloaded, the soap pod wasn't defective, or the water somehow disconnected if I don't watch? Or, at least, stay closer to it by staying in the living room, perhaps? Maybe watch one episode of something on Netflix, just to be sure everything is running smoothly. One episode turns into a season and I've lost a week of productivity. Meanwhile the laundry is still in the washer smelling musty and my stories are no closer to being actually written. Method number two - perhaps my tea needs to be warmer! Hopefully you see the issue.

But here I am, actively procrastinating by writing about procrastinating, and all the while wondering if I can actually make this writing thing work. If I don't write, the answer is no. If I have to get a full time job again (haven't had one of those since before grad school, which was over a decade ago) then I won't be able to write, and the answer is still no. 

I just want to do this and everything else I am interested in doing without constantly feeling that my family is going to lose everything because I am not making enough money. I am currently making about $300/month from my writing. Which is awesome, honestly! But it also isn't enough. To replace my salary from when I was working full-time I would need to make $5000/month. Which would be life altering, but I also don't see that happening right away, or maybe ever. Plus, I keep spending money on things like marketing, PR, and ads, which has made my earnings actually negative for the last two years. GAH! What is a girl to do?

I think I just need to get on with it already.

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